“Because children grow up, we think a child’s purpose is to grow up. But a child’s purpose is to be a child. Nature doesn’t disdain what only lives for a day. It pours the whole of itself into each moment…” (From a play, The Coast of Utopia, by Tom Stoppard)
I’ve been thinking about the spiritual journey a lot lately. Like many, I was taught an orderly framework in which spiritual growth mimicked our physical growth — you start small and weak and grow to become big and strong. Our culture is steeped in myths and expectations about what constitutes progress. You practice hard and eventually you make the Varsity team. You invest a lot of effort at work, and one day you get promoted or retire. You study hard and progress through each grade, right?
It makes sense in our culture. I mean, without cold hard results, how can you really be growing towards some respectable, worthy life? Culturally we disrespect people who seem stuck or stagnant — we assume they’re no longer serving a purpose. Look at sports, government, business, science, entertainment, music, even churches. People get dumped all the time for looking stale. Of course this fear impacts us on a spiritual level.
I like that quote above because it is so dang applicable to our spiritual journey, and it highlights what we must tune out if we ever hope to experience God’s truest acceptance. Maybe read the quote a second time.
I’m not anti-growth. Most Christians seem to understand there is a paradox buried in the faith journey: I’m encouraged to be who I am now AND grow into who I can be. I genuinely yearn for making headway inside myself. The problem is I don’t know if we have much control over our own growth. Or, at least to me, what seems more obvious is that a ton of problems arise when we try to control our own spiritual growth in the same ways we try to grow, say, our resume or bank account.
We often approach our finite time on earth - and our spiritual journey - in perversely instrumental ways. Things are meant to be “useful” (even our rest!) and whatever we do is always meant to serve some form of progress… but it's not readily apparent what the goal is usually, is it? And who says which results are enough? Are we just supposed to track up and to the right?
I feel pressure to make something of myself. We’re steeped in powerful economic and social pressures that constantly bombard us. So I pour myself into these various roles and clamor for signs that I’m “making it.” Of the many problems with this way of life, the main one seems to be that I naturally assume God puts the same pressure on me. Surely God wants results. Surely God wants me trending up and to the right. A circuitous path is mediocre.
But, if Love is what (and who) it says it is, that’s not how God feels and that’s not how spiritual growth happens. We celebrate growth and yearn for depth and healing, sure, but our God pays no attention — in any moment — to our trajectory or accolades (or lack thereof). Your purpose is just to be in the stage you’re in. I’m not just saying “you do you” or “do whatever you want.” Like the quote above, at any given moment, a child’s purpose is just to be a child. Just to be a child. Don’t confuse trajectory with value.
For some final context, the quote above is from a young father who is struggling to come to terms with the death of his child. He realizes God has poured all of Himself into that child, even without some future-looking goal for the child. Regardless of trajectory, God was present to and within that child. God is the same to us. God is wholly present and wholly within our moments.
Resist the pressure to "get results" spiritually. That isn’t a pressure from God. It’s not. See and enjoy and trust His full love here and now, without some “I’m not where I should be” feeling. Grace is love not withheld. He gives grace. Faith is so much richer than earning something or yielding to pressure to be something. May you feel freedom to be the child whose purpose is just to be a child today.
Conor
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